Post Ironman Blues

If post race someone would have pulled me aside and said, "Congratulations, you've finished! Now the real mental challenge begins." I would've laughed in their face and said no way. My training is done. My race is over. I'm an Ironman! What is there to worry about? Well exactly that, my training is done, my race is over, now what?

In the days immediately after the race I was feeling on top of the world. I kept thinking about what a well executed race I ran and how "good" my body held up during the race. Of course my body was sore and I felt aches and pains pretty much all over, but that subsided after a few days. My husband and I actually stayed in Hawaii a whole extra week to vacation and that provided a much needed distraction and lots of rest.

Once I arrived back to the mainland and settled back into a normal routine, I felt like I was in a fog of some sorts. The thought of swimming, biking or running just didn't sound appealing and my motivation to exercise definitely disappeared. As the days and weeks ticked by, and I still had no desire to move, the depression set it. The weight gain did not help either.

Right now you are probably thinking, why the heck is she so depressed? She just spent the last six months of her life waking up early, packing gym bags, washing dirty workout clothes, training, prepping meals, rushing to work, planning her entire schedule around her training plan, training, missing out on social events, training and more training. The race is over. She is free! She has her life back. Now she can do whatever she wants. Well that's just it, I can do whatever I want but right now I'm finding it hard to do anything. I feel like I'm navigating without a map. I'm lost.

I have managed to muster up enough excitement to go back to CrossFit, at least a few days per week. I figure it is very different from Ironman training so it will offer me some variety and I loved it so much before. Wow. What a rude awakening. On my first day back, I could barely do five slam ball squats without having to stop to catch my breath. I knew it would be a long time before I could be at the level I was when I stopped but this has been much more emotional than I thought it would be. Having to deal with the loss of fitness just a few weeks after being at the very top of my game. The coaches have been really understanding and encouraging. They keep reminding me that it will take a while before I can regain my fitness. I hear what they are saying but my mind does not like that answer.

I've been doing some reading on the topic of "post Ironman blues" and it's a real thing:

Triathletes also commonly suffer from a malady known as the “post-Ironman blues” in the weeks after an Ironman. It is likely that such mood depression is to some degree just another symptom of the general overtraining syndrome that commonly affects endurance athletes after such a test. Overtraining is known to disrupt brain neurotransmitters that influence mood. It has been hypothesized that as a symptom of overtraining, depression is your brain’s way of discouraging you from overexerting yourself again—in this case, doing your next Ironman—for a while. -Triathlete Europe Magazine

Click on the link and check it out:  Psychological Well-Being in Ironman Triathletes

I guess I am glad to read that my mood is normal and that I'm going to be ok. I hope that these blues go away soon and I am sure that those around me feel the same way. My boss, co-workers, husband and friends must be counting down the days until my wacky mood swings and short temper disappear.

One answer might be to sign up for another Ironman and trust me, the thought did cross my mind. Right now, I'm just not there yet. Life is funny this way, you really have to learn how to deal with being on top and turn right back around and deal with being at the bottom. As I slowly make my way out of the fog I trust that there are bigger and crazier things out there waiting for me. I just have to keep navigating until it becomes clear what those new adventures might be...